Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
