dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
