It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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