I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
