Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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