If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
