I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
