this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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