I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
