Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
