belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
