Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Randomize
