I wish I could teleport
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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