She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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