what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
