I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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