I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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