he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
