Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want nice things and good sex
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
