My Higher Power is John Stamos
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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