I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
