haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
