If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
