What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
