I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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