Christians are straight up FREAKS
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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