so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
