When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
