I seem to have left my pride at pride
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
