The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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