last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
