: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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