Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
