It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
