do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
