careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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