Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
