My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
