in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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