"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
