Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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