She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
