Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
