So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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