Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I deserve this hangover.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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