Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
