I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
