this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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