There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
