i think my tv is drunk
Betty ford says i'm here all night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
