Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
