You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
