Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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